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The Touch.. |
Here is
an attempt to look at the medium of human transaction and interaction and its
efficacy in our daily lives.
We are
focusing on only some facets of the vast territory of inter personal
communication!
Words
that are spoken and written, both forms of verbal communication are known to
distort and distort terribly. We all are first hand witnesses to this human
tragedy.
We know
from our experience that there are tons and tons of factors that might
influence the meaning of a simple word, the very basic unit of communication.
To name just a few - the culture, the context, the person, the intent are
factors that could load the words with various meanings. These factors give the
word a twist, a spin and the word suddenly begins to carry any number of
flavours, connotations.
So the
question is can we communicate and communicate effectively with others given
the inadequacy and limitation of words?
What does
communication involve anyway?
Is it
about ensuring that the person addressed has completely understood what has
been conveyed to him or her?
To ensure
the communication is effective, we may sometimes insist on getting a
proper feedback of our verbal or written message. This feedback gives us some
assurance about the transmittal of our message but still there is no guarantee
that we have communicated successfully!
Or
Is
communication the art of choosing the right words with the right
individual or the right group of people at the right time? Is timing the key
factor in successful communication?
Or is
there more to communication?
Perhaps
communication is all of these and more and may be considered as successful only
when what is being conveyed (spoken or written) is achieving the desired
result!
“The
proof of the pudding is in eating!”
Only the
desired result brings about the closure as for as the particular communication
is considered ! Otherwise communication remains incomplete or unsuccessful!
But this
is easily said than done!
****
There are
many grey areas in communication that need to be addressed in order to achieve
the desired result.
The
distortions in communication are almost always related to Human Factors!
Some
anecdotes could highlight the human elements that result in communication
failures!
****
Sometime
ago, I had an opportunity to conduct a Human Factors training for an airline
engineering crew. The class was a motley mix of top and middle management
personnel as well as some ground engineers. All of them participated
wholeheartedly throughout the interactive program!
The
question thrown at the class for open debate and discussion on the second
session of the opening day was,
“How will
you handle a ‘difficult’ person at the workplace?”
There
were many suggestions including from managers in the crowd, on these lines,
“We shall
advise, help ……”
“We shall
reprimand,…..penalize, ….punish….refine ” and so on!
One of the managers declared brazenly,
“I will
terminate his services and get rid of the bad apple!”
There was
a pause!
Just at
the moment, a young, handsome man next to the door raised his hand. He was
slipping in and out of the class very often and had conveniently chosen the
seat right next to the door.
He said, “I will spend more time with this
person!”
Oh boy!
Had he hit the nail on the head!
I was
pleasantly surprised to discover that the wise head on the young shoulders was
none other than the Director of Engineering! No wonder he was in the driving
seat! Apparently he was busy in office and could not enroll himself
for the class but would slip into the class at every opportunity and silently
participate in the proceedings. That was the first ever time he had uttered a
few words and they were deep!
To make
matters simple for everyone, now I threw my final question ,
“Ok,
alright! Now what if this person is not from your workplace but from your own
family? What will you do then? Will you
throw him or her out of the house? Say, your son or daughter or brother or sister is ‘difficult’, what will you
do then? ”
There was
once again a poignant lull in the discussion!
People
fell silent mulling over the prospect of such an overwhelming possibility!
Indeed
this is a question every one of us will have to answer at some point in our own
lives, if we haven't done so already!
****
Our young
man had come out with the golden key to human communications!
The very
essence of personal communication lies in being open, receptive and empathetic
to the other person, the so called 'difficult' person! This could happen only
by being genuinely interested in the other person!
Yes, we
can’t simply ignore or eliminate the ‘difficult’ persons from our lives. They
are to be found in our own family, among our circle of friends, in society,
community, workplace etc.
Then what
is the way to deal with such difficult people?
****
What is
the greatest gift that we could ever give to our fellow human beings?
TIME of
course!
No amount
of money or gifts or words could help
people in certain situations!
By giving
one’s time during other's difficult period, we are actually putting our human
resources at the other person’s disposal. The human heart is truly touched by
this gesture like no other!
By
offering time, we are offering ourselves! Our participation, our time is a
reflection of our care and concern!
The
Chinese Taoism lays emphasis on the immense power of silent, non-verbal
communication!
Say the
‘difficult’ person is our own family member or a colleague and he or she is
bitter or recalcitrant. This perhaps may be the outcome of a sequence of
unfortunate events in life that has embittered the individual creating great
rancour or resentment.
How do we
make inroads into the privacy of such an individual?
A highly
receptive, open and embracing spirit without any ulterior motive or any hidden agenda or even a desire to influence in anyway
whatsoever creates the kind of disposition or a state of mind in oneself that can unlock
closed hearts and the communication channel is thrown wide open!
Open,
empty and receptive hearts draw the world to them. They are like vacuum that
sucks in all kinds of forces in nature!
A
receptive, open disposition is akin to childlike vulnerability and is a
soothing influence on the nerves of the so called ‘difficult' persons.
Giving
one’s time signals our responsibility and regard for the other individual!
By being
around whenever possible and as often as possible, and also being under the
same ‘roof’ with the other person is known to make a tremendous impact on the
individual.
By being
constantly around ‘difficult’ people whenever they need a human touch, and also
genuinely taking care of their concerns, participating in their life in a
definitive way – spending time with them at the dinner table, over a cup of
coffee etc. wins the trust of the person and reassures the person that there is
someone for him or her to turn to in life! These gestures prove that one is a
genuine friend to look up to or to unburden oneself! The results that follow
are miraculous!
The
important thing here is not to sermonize or to give lecture to the difficult
person but to hang silently around the person whenever possible and be a
sincere, keen listener.
Communication
that gets the work done in this kind of situation of helping difficult
individuals to unburden themselves is normally the silent, nonverbal kind!
The
silent (wordless) or non-verbal communication is much more powerful than all
the sermons and lectures put together!
There
will surely come a time when the difficult person notices the genuine concern,
turns around and opens up in a big way! This unburdening shall surely help the
person!
We humans
are primarily animals and endowed with very powerful receptors and sensors that
make up for extraordinary faculty of perception. Gestures, the body language
and tone of the voice reveals one's intent, the genuineness of concern.
Children function in the domain of the non-verbal! They know when they see 'good' or 'evil' and respond immediately! Simple, sensitive individuals or sages across cultures with childlike disposition also are in the same league!
There is
truth in the saying, “The face speaks louder than words!”
Words do
distort and distort terribly!
****